Melissa arrives first, her flight out of Philly lands approximately 1.5 hours ahead of Adam's flight out of New York. She roams the airport, tries to find the next terminal, cuts through a parking garage, walks on a sidewalk that might not have been a sidewalk, then succesfully sits in the bagage claim of Spirit Air. After all that her schvitz was at a level 9. Approximate air temperature 87.
Melissa gets a good 30 minute nap. The dramamine is still in affect. Finally Adam arrives. He has a red dot on his cordory pants. Why he's wearing cordory pants to Florida is a mystery. The greater myster is where the red dot came from. The mystery is never solved.
The adventure continues to the rent a car. Adam tells Melissa Advantage rent a car is part of Hertz. The Hertz man tells Melissa that is rediculous. Adam says thanks for asking. Melissa says no problem back out to the heat. Melissa renames Advantage to Disadvantage, although the cool guy behind the counter decided to act cool and give them an upgrade. Adam and Melissa decide their butts are definetly relieved they don't have to sit in a Kia compact car. The Nissan Versa is so much nicer.
They arrive at Granpa Al's 40 minutes later. They tell the guard they are here to see Al Cohen, he says which one. Oh Florida you never disapoint do you? The visit and the cafe are exactly as they were last time they were here. Grandpa Al a bit worse for wear but the pistachio nuts were excellent. Adam ate most of them. Adam eats most of anything. They leave with promises to call and visits to come in the future. Nona is waiting and you can't keep a Nona waiting for too long.
The Nona alien is comprised of many things. 1 part caring old lady, 1 part vanity, 1 part deaf, 1 part life of the party, 1 part liar, 1 part loving, 1 part excessive, 1 part giving, 1 part the same Nona they have always known. Her behavior should never be a surprise, but Melissa always is.
As for surprises Adam is in for a treat when he learns he has to go to Synagogue on Friday night and that is where the dinner is being held. He has a mini meltdown. Then recoups and decides to wear his suit, which isn't his Hugo Boss suit he likes to brag about, but a nice suit anyway. At Synagogue Melissa and Adam sit behind a guy in a Tommy Bahama shirt. Apparently Florida did not get the memo that you should look nice in Synagogue. It could be worse though, Adam could be wearing his Hugo Boss suit.
At the Bar Mitvah Adam and Melissa watch Nona get loaded, dance to Play that Funky Music White Boy, then claim she isn't drunk. They dress up Adam in all the Bar Mitvah flair we can find and take pictures. They do one last dance to Shout and then leave to go to their cousins house, cousins who Nona would refer to as Not Blood. They are blood to Melissa and Adam but not blood to Nona and therefor not really family.
At Lori Baron's house Melissa and Adam play with the kids. Adam goes to "get pizza" with Willie. Melissa entertains said kids until they get back. Lori comes home from a 3 hour hair appointment and Melissa proceeds to ask her if the thing on her finger is a tumor to which she responds "it is not a tumor."
Melissa and Adam do not get back to Nona's till well after midnight where she is still up watching old movies on TCM. Melissa tries to avoid the Nona alien and goes to bed because in a few hours they have to get up to go eat again at a brunch.
Brunch is comprised of many dishes, an omlet station and belini's, which they have been drinking not stop since they got there. Melissa tries to not eat too much since in a few hours they will be on a plane but she can't help herself and eats too many delicious fruit tarts.
The rent a car is due back at 1pm giving Melissa and Adam a few hours to hang out in the airport. Adam proceeds to talk on the phone for most of the time they have left together while Melissa sits and stares at the wall. They make fun of their other brother then part ways to go home.
Mission Accomplished
30 and ragin like it's my Bat Mitvah,
Melissa
