30

It happened during a Disco Biscuits show, where most of the important things in my life have happened. Ed kept looking at me with a shitty grin telling me how many minutes were left. Then right after he would say it isn't that bad. It wasn't that bad. I was mostly distracted by the sick Basis that was raging out my 20's. I've heard Basis live 15 times, but this time I may have actually remember every note. Then it was midnight and an Inverted Shimmy was starting to take form. And I was 30.

I have been wondering for months what I would be thinking the minute I turned 30. What revelations I would have, what regrets would come, what things I've been holding onto for so long that would leave me. But in that minute, the one after I got my birthday wishes, hugs and kisses all I could think about was how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten since lunch when I had a piece of birthday cake that made my stomach do horrible things to me all afternoon. I was thinking if only this damn show would end, I could go to Lorenzo's down the street and eat a mammoth slice of cheese pizza that I had been dreaming about ever since we pulled up to South Street. I was thinking that if maybe they started a shitty encore I could convince Jacob to leave early so we could beat the crowd to the delicious pizza and I could burn the roof of my mouth with it.

All this anticipation to the moment of change and the reality of it was there was no change. I was still thinking about eating, which is what I do all day long everyday. If 30 couldn't even change my appetite why would it change who I was?

Two days into being 30 and nothing seems different. So for the next year I will see how I can make it different. Instead of wondering what the beast called 30 is going to do to me, I'm going to see what I can do to it.

I've taken the first step. I bought a Coach wristlet, because I obviously cannot afford a bag. That makes old. Although right after I bought tee-shirts from Delia's so I think I evened myself out.

30 and ragin it,

Melissa