I miss Billy Crystal

It's Oscar time.. Oscar Oscar... you know the song

This year the hosts are Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin.. comedy duo.. great.. does Steve really need Alec?

Can I ask what Billy Crystal is up to this year? Does he really have better things to do then not host the Oscars? Is City Slickers 3 coming out? (I can only hope)

Billy has hosted 8 times and all 8 times a fantastic movie has won. Here's a rundown:

1989: Driving Miss Daisy
1990: Dances With Wolves
1991: Silence of the Lambs
1992: Unforgiven
1996: The English Patient
1997: Titanic
1999: American Beauty
2003: Lord of the Rings Return of the King


Ok so American Beauty is pushing it but there is always 1 loser in a bunch.

Meanwhile, am I really suppose to stay up way past my bedtime of 9:30pm for movies like Avatar, The Blind Side and The Douche Locker?

First off Dances with Wolves already won in 1990, so what if its Indians weren't blue? Does an Oscar have to stoop so low that visual effects now win over story line?

Second if I watch the Blind Side I may actually go blind by plucking out my own eyes.

Third can someone explain to me why The Hurt Locker was suppose to be good? Who really chooses going to Iraq over being able to bang Kate from LOST on a daily basis?

Here is my fantasy Oscar picks as the Academy seems not to be able to choose correctly.. hit it Billy...

10: 500 days of Summer - I am obsessed with Zooey Deschanel and her bangs

9: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - Because as usual I ask too much of you Harry

8: Inglorious Basterds - I'm married to the Jew Bear

7. Land of the Lost - I'm a sucker for Danny McBride and the chick from Pushing Daisies

6: UP - Only the first 20 minutes then it went downhill.. Wall-E was way better

5: It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Season 5 - I know it's a TV show but I'm running out of movies that don't suck

4: Zombieland - just for the scene where they reenact Ghost Busters with Bill Murray

3: District 9 - Mocumentary plus prawns = gold

2: Star Trek - Best movie of the year hands down.. JJ got robbed

1: Grey Gardens - Although an HBO film.. it's the best movie ever and should be recognized as such... don't forget the ice cream Edy!


Movies I have not seen and could have made this list had I of seen them:

Crazy Heart
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
The Lovely Bones
Where the Wild Things Are
The Road


So there it is.. I saw a list of movies from the entire year and guess what they all suck. Can Hollywood get off its ass and make something original, something interesting, something with a goddamn plot! And while they are at it can the call up Billy Crystal and just see what's he's doing because he's probably not doing much since he found Curly's gold.