I am a Troll

I finally admit it, I am a troll. I've tried desperately in my nearly 30 years of life to avoid my trolliness, but I can no longer fight it. I am getting shorter, wider and within the last few years more wrinkly and club footed. (OK maybe not club footed yet, but it's coming). I also started grunting, wearing tattered oversized clothing and have been mouth breathing more often. This is a sure sign that I am slowly becoming the true troll I always knew I was.

In honor of my new found appreciation (more like submission) to my trolliness, here is a list of super fantastic trolls I can look up to.

ZELDA RUBINSTEIN: All Knowing Troll

Zelda may best be known for her work in Poltergeist as the medium who knows everything about evil spirits.. but I remember Zelda best as Madame Serena the seer in Teen Witch. Standing only 4 foot 3 she helped poor Louise turn from loser high school student to Teen Witch awesomeness. If only I could have had a Madame Serena in my life to tell me what to do. We will all miss you Zelda, you were the greatest of female trolls.

DANNY DEVITO: Comedic Troll

Not only did Danny Devito play a penguin troll but he also played a troll brother to Arnold Schwarzenegger. His troll antics are legendary and his current trolliness as Frank on It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia doesn't disappoint. In the words of Frank Reynolds "The acid's makin me feel like I have to take a dump."

RUMPELSTILTSKIN: Fairy Tale Troll

Oh that crazy Rumpelstiltskin, spinning straw into gold, stealing poor young ladies first born. Who ever could have guessed your name?

CAVE TROLL: Lord of the Rings Troll

So Frodo and crew decide to take the passage through Moria. Seemed like a good idea at first until the Orcs come along with a giant ass Cave Troll. Out of all the trolls so far this one is the most bad ass. Luckily for Frodo he had his Mithril Coat on that Bilbo gave him and saved his ass from the bad ass Cave Troll. Unfortunately, this is where our Cave Troll's story ends. May you rest in peace brutha.

GUMMI BEAR TROLL: Saturday Morning Cartoon Troll

And finally we have the cutest of all trolls, the Gummi Bear Trolls. These adorable trolls were always trying to steal Gummiberry Juice. Gruffi wasn't having it...